CHRISTMAS LETTER 2022
“The Lucy Stories”
“I LOVE to laugh!” Grams said, clasping her hands together with glee, giggling into my ear as she gazed upon the yuletide commotion of our Schramm Family Christmas.
To some, this statement may seem quite elementary. But as she guided the light of her memories through the fog of Alzheimer’s, with this exclamation, the bedrock of my grandmother’s silly heart shone through, as she enjoyed watching her family celebrate together her favorite holiday... and this delighted my heart. In this moment my mind temporarily left the room, remembering the many times my grandmother and I shared a good laugh.
~~~~~~~~~
There was something enchanting and whimsical about staying overnight at my grandparents’ house during the holidays. The Christmas decorations transformed their home magically into a fairytale Christmas village. The LGB train under the Christmas tree had the ability to transport us anywhere our imaginations wanted to take us. The Christmas toys that adorned the shelves throughout the month of December provided hours and hours of entertainment, and became a trophy of the familial commitment to silliness. The Santa and sleigh in the front yard brought childish wonder, emphasizing the spirit of giving that heralded the season. The twinkle lights in each bush, tree, and wreath sent a message to passers by on Nottingham Drive, that “THOSE WHO GATHER HERE BELIEVE!”
The announcement of bedtime was welcomed with anticipation when one stayed at Casa Nottingham. We knew the moment that Gramps trumpeted, “Brickhead, I’m Goin’ To Bed,” it meant that soon Gramps would be fast asleep and singing his Mairsy Doats; and once Gramps was asleep we would be off to bed not long after to enjoy story time with Grams. We would make our way down the narrow hallway adorned with ancient family photos, past Grandpa’s bedroom door as he sang his slumber-some symphonies, to the room that housed two twin beds. Marty and I would rush to our beds as we anxiously waited for Grams to turn off the lights and make her way to where we were. There would be bartering as to which bed she would lie in as she told us bedtime stories. Some would be fairytales, some stories would contain life lessons, and some would be real life events from her past. I decided that two specific stories my grandmother told us could have been episodes of “I Love Lucy.” If Grams told us these “Lucy Stories” once, she told them a thousand times, as they were among our top favorites. My grandmother’s actions in these two different stories so vividly resembled what could have been her own Lucy-like schemes.
Lucy Story Episode 1 - “The Hat Sale”
In the late 1950’s, earlier in their marriage, my grandparents lived in a modest two story home on Hawthorn Street in Toledo, Ohio. After having left the U.S. Air Forces as a drill sergeant, Grandpa was working for the Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company, while still running his home and finances with militaristic- type precision. One evening after dinner the phone rang.
“Hi Ruth.” Grams said to her sister.
“I would love to go, but I'll have to ask Don.” Grams continued.
Her sister Ruth had called to remind her about the bi-annual designer hat sale that began the next day at Tiedtke’s department store. Grams had heard how amazing this sale was but had never attended.
“Don...” Grams inquired.
Grandpa looked up from reading the paper with the same look of hesitant resistance that he always gave Grams when he had an inkling that she was going to cost him money.
“Is it alright if I go to the Tiedtke’s Hat Sale tomorrow with Mom and Ruth?” Grams asked.
“We can’t exactly afford a new hat right now,” Grandpa replied.
“They’re only five dollars and I’ll only buy one,” she pleaded.
Grandpa reluctantly agreed, “OK. I guess we can afford ONE hat.”
“Just ONE!” he insisted.
The next day Grams went with her mother and sister Ruth to Tiedtke’s in downtown Toledo. Ruth had warned Grams of what she needed to know while navigating this highly attended hat sale. “LOOK QUICKLY,” and “IF YOU FIND SOMETHING YOU LIKE KEEP IT IN YOUR HAND UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO BUY IT.”
Walking through the revolving door, they passed the signature large red coffee bean roasters, and headed to the basement. Once there, they saw rows and rows of tables filled with hundreds of ladies’ hats. Grams couldn’t believe the sheer number of women that had come to this sale! They were nearly shoulder to shoulder. As Grams scanned the tables of hats, she found one that caught her eye. It was black with a shallow top. It boasted a thin white ribbon and a wide floppy brim. The fit was perfect! She held onto it as she continued browsing. Just as she was nearly sure that this black hat was the one she was going to purchase, there appeared the most beautiful pink pillbox hat with sheer netting on the front. Two completely different hats, both beautiful in their own right. As she paused trying to decide which hat she was going home with, a large busty woman bumped into her saying in a coarse brash voice:
“Are you going to buy both of those hats?”
The woman started to grab the black hat from her.
“Yes, yes I am!” Grams shouted back firmly pulling both hats towards herself.
Now she was stuck. She had to purchase both hats. While trying to figure out what she was going to tell Grandpa, she decided that she would just put them both in the closet for a while and he would never notice. Surely he won't say anything she assured herself.
Once she arrived home, she tended to her daily duties of cleaning, dusting, and ironing. Dinner time quickly arrived and as they were enjoying their food, Gramps casually asked, “So? Did you find a hat?”
In 5 years of marriage he had never asked about her purchases in such a way before.
“Yes, I found a Beautiful hat,” Grams replied.
“Well...Can I see it?” Gramps inquired.
“Well...um... I’ve got dishes to do, and some laundry to finish up. I'll show you later,” Grams returned. “Ok,” Gramps replied, not thinking much of it.
After a while, as Grandpa was reading his newspaper, and as Grams bustled around the house in an attempt to still look busy in hopes that he had forgotten his hat inquiry, Gramps asked, “So... how about that hat? Can I see it?”
Utterly baffled that this ONE TIME he was set on seeing her hat, she sheepishly retorted, “Ok... let me go get it.” She then hightailed it upstairs to figure out what she was going to show Grandpa, and how she was going to solve this conundrum. She snuck into her closet, grabbed both hats, and locked herself in the bathroom. There she stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Which hat was she going to show him? She couldn’t let him find out that she had purchased two hats. He would be so mad! With the black hat in her left hand, and the pink hat in her right, back and forth she tried the hats on. Pink hat. Black hat. Pink hat. Black hat. Black hat. Pink ha...
“THAT'S IT!!!” She exclaimed to herself.
“Ohhhhh, Helen,” she said to herself convincingly. “Now if only you can go down there and keep a straight face.”
In the swapping of hats, the tall pink pillbox hat conveniently fell on top of the black large brimmed hat. She slunk back down the stairs, pleased with her idea, and kept a cool and believable demeanor. As she walked into the living room, she had to muster up even more wherewithal to sell her forgery, as she saw the look on his face go from general curiosity to impending dread.
“So... What do you think of my hat?” she inquired.
Grandpa, paused as he ran through scenarios in his head, in which he may have to accompany Grams wearing said unsightly accessory. She waited anxiously for some sort of response from him. Gramps realizing he had to say SOMETHING... said:
“Oh My God, Helen.... Where the hell are you EVER gonna wear that?”
Grandma now holding back a burst of laughter muttered out:
“To Church.”
Seeing that gramps was mortified to go out in public with her wearing this ghastly thing... Grams sheepishly retorted:
“Would you feel better if it were two hats?”
With a sigh of relief, he realized that this one, very tall, very wide, very hideous hat was, in fact, two quite beautiful hats. He then responded as he often did to Grams’ shenanigans..
“Funny Helen.... REAL funny!”
~~~~~~~~~
“OK, everyone find a seat! It’s time for The Night Before Christmas.” I heard my aunt gathering everyone and my mind quickly returned to the room. Every year Grams would have my brother read a few stanzas of The Night Before Christmas and then stop before the end of a phrase and collectively we were to come up with the rest of the line. This was probably one of my favorite parts of our holiday traditions, as we were to all surely have a good laugh, as family member after family member struggled to remember the words of the story we read every year.
Marty had now gotten to the last line, “But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,”
The entire family joined in, in thunderous glee. “MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.” The family then cheered as we always did with much laughter. As we finished this beloved yuletide tradition, I looked over at my grandmother to see her twinkling, smiling Irish eyes. As the evening progressed I watched her manage to simultaneously expel all signs of the Alzheimer’s fog plaguing her, as she successfully spent an intimately special moment with each of my cousins and siblings amidst the family frenzy of Christmas togetherness. As if by magic, each one of us organically found our moment to take a seat at her side. When I found my chance to sit next to Grams, she smiled so lovingly as she caressed my cheek with her hand, saying the two words that could always make my heart melt, while just the same, making me feel on top of the world.
“My Tony,” she said softly.
As I heard the shutter click of my aunt's camera capturing this moment, my mind rushed back to the joy of bedtime stories with Grams.
~~~~~~~~~
“Just one more story, please?” Marty pleaded
“OK, one more.” Grams replied, as she began the next story...
Lucy Story Episode 2 - “The Sock Story”
Once upon a time many years ago, when your grandfather worked in the produce department of the A&P Grocery stores, he would spend all day at work, and come home smelling like fresh produce. I would have spent all day cleaning, doing the laundry, ironing the clothes, and making the beds. Back then, when your grandfather slept, he wrestled around so much that by the time morning came not a single blanket was left on the bed. So every day while he was at work, I would make sure the house was perfect for when he arrived home. The bed would be perfectly made and the house would smell of fresh linens.
Your grandfather would come home, take off his shoes, and leave his socks right on the floor on my side of the bed. I would say to your grandfather,
“Don, would you please put your socks in the hamper? They stink.”
And he would grunt back at me, “MY SOCKS DON’T STINK!”
Day after day after day this would happen... he would drop his socks, I would say they stink, and he would assure me that they didn’t stink. I worked so hard throughout the day to make the house perfect and there his socks would be, stinking up the bedroom, and boy were they STINKY!
One evening after working exceptionally hard during the day, and his socks being exceptionally STINKY, I had had enough! Soooo... I conceived an idea! With the bed so perfectly made, I took his socks, and placed them under his pillow case right where his nose would rest that evening. I went about the rest of my evening, anticipating nighttime when we would go to bed. Maybe he would finally agree about his stinky socks.
That night I put my nightgown on, climbed into bed, and immediately pretended to be asleep. Your grandfather got into bed, turned out the light and tried to fall asleep. At first he tossed and turned and rustled around and finally tapped me on my shoulder and said...
“Helen, something stinks in this room.”
I told him that I didn’t smell anything and that he should just go back to sleep.
A second time your grandfather said,
“Helen, something REALLY stinks in this room!”
Trying not to laugh I said to him,
“Don, I'm telling you I don’t smell anything. Now PLEASE go back to sleep!”
After a few more moments of grunting and growling your grandfather JUMPED out of bed, turned on the light and bellowed,
“DAMN IT HELEN! I”M TELLING YOU SOMETHING STINKS!”
Now trying really hard not to laugh, I said to your grandpa,
“Don, I don’t smell anything... but maybe you should check under your pillow.”
He reached under his pillowcase— pulled out his stinky work socks— and said to me what he always said to me...
“Funny Helen, REAL Funny!”
He then marched into the bathroom, threw his stinky socks into the hamper, and slammed the lid.
Never again did he leave his socks on the side of the bed.
My brother and I giggled with glee as Grams got up from the bed, turned on the music box to put us to sleep as she said,
“Sweet repose...”
And as she finished the line “...Slam the door on the doctor’s nose”
Marty and I retorted .. “GO TO BED AND PICK YOUR NOSE!”
~~~~~~~~~
As my grandmother always said:
"Put a smile on your face, and a song in your heart."
Our prayer for you this holiday season is that, even through life's struggles, life's frustrations, and when things just don't go your way, that you remember to keep smiling and to keep singing.
Proverbs 17:22 (Amplified)
A happy heart is good medicine and a joyful mind causes healing, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.
May you remember that Christ came into a downtrodden and hurting world. A world where many were awaiting a Savior, just as we still await the Savior today. A very bright Light broke the darkness, and heralded the Child's arrival. Christ became one of us, and grew just as we grow. He cried just as we cry, and he experienced troubling times, just as we have. He went about his Father's business and brought great light and love into our world, to gather us all in as family. No matter who you are, or where you are on life's journey, you are welcome into this family. May you find joy and peace in the coming year, and may you remember from where your laughter and merry heart comes.